Tarim

I drew my friend Tarim. I haven't been finding many people in this country who are capable of sitting with you in silence, and with whom you don’t feel so much pressure talking just fill the time. I appreciate his presence maybe because like me, it's calm, chill but still with active attentiveness, and sharp thought. I can say those are more Virgo traits hahah. But you know, maybe I’m not in the right spaces but it’s seems harder to find people who are curious about what you do and your work. I know I have the tendency to talk very poetically and that's just part of how I stay connected to what’s real to me and my world building. But it's also good to find people who are more objective and down to earth.

But yeah there are people who in the moment you know them, you know that they're in a closer frequency to you and it's possible to have a conversation that means something to you. In this portrait I think that I was expressing that a bit through Tarim's expressions. For instance, in the way that I feel he can be enthusiastic when you talk about your own embarrassing realisations living in this world, but also a more serious and reflective look in his eyes and expression... while still with care he holds the weight of time when I struggle finding the words to communicate what I'm saying, and with many other expressions that I didn't have time to place here because life has been so kaleidoscopic and the time I find to draw more and more broken.

Even so I'm happy for having been able to also seize the time I had while in this opportunity of sharing a living space together, to put together the memories I had in non-verbal dimensions. It's not long since I'm living in Amsterdam and it seems like most people in the city don't have or don't make the time to get to know you, so I do appreciate every person who is able to spend time with you even when I'm not capable of communicating so well, or as good as I would like to or how some people demand to stay connected to them. I don’t like to admit that I’ve been in a very vulnerable place but the truth is that lately I can sometimes hardly remember the good voices of encouragement in my life due to just dealing a lot with functional freeze, PTSD and other mental and physical ailments while in hormone treatment and the never ending social transition.

I hope I can soon recover most of my sense of connection to the relationships that make life worth it.

Love that you’re reading this btw. Sending hugs to you Tarim and I wish the best things in life to you and all my friends and people who actively want me in their lives.

;*